Can't get my head straigh

I dont' really know why i'm writing this right now, all i know is that this is what i need to do. I hate that i can't let this go. I hate that i cant just forget it. i can't just let those memories go, i can't just pretend this never happened. I think i'm so in love with you still that its hard for me to see you and not tell you how much i want this back. I can't just let this be friends. I want you back. I want US back. i want the cuddles, the hugs and the laughs. I loved it. I was so happy with you and i still get butterflies around you. i still wanna be yours and have you be mine. I don't want to be with anyone but you ever. You are my best friend, my love of my life and everything i cld want in anyone else. I finally got over some of the things we had. I had to learn to forgive myself for the mistakes i've made but also let go of the idea of us being together. But its like, these stupid little things pull me back to you. Pull me back to laying on the hammock together, to cuddling at every movie we went to, to kissing you so softly and tenderly. to being so in love with you again. Its like, i feel afraid that if i can't go on from here, i never will. I have all the tools to let this go and i can't. i am so glad i have had this and am so glad i will always have those memories to look back on. I guess when you have no choice BUT to be strong, you have to be right?