First one of 2010

i've never felt like this. i've never wanted to cry so hard for no real reason. I've never felt so lost in my own body, in my own world. I've been so incredibly lucky these past few years to be blessed with so many amazing caring people who have come in and out of my life. I've never realized how much life has to offer you. I've never realized that those who will always be there for you, really will be there ALL the time. My family has been incredibly supportive of me through all of these years. No matter what i have been going through mentally or physically they have been able to help me and keep me real. They have loved me through thick and thin and although i know we have all had our fights and scuffs, i know i love them more than words would ever be able to describe. I really miss having everyone around all the time like when i was little. i miss having all the people here to play monopoly with or sorry with. It's crazy to think we're all growing up and creating our own families and lives. I love you all so much!! You know, i can still remember the first time i met the person that has most dramatically changed my life. It was August 29, 2006, a tuesday. Never really struck me as a person who would change my life but little did i or anyone else know how much he would mean to me. Michael Thomas O'Bryan has been the most amazing supportive funny loving and caring person to me i've ever met. He has stuck with me through everything, and i really mean everything. He has helped me when i was sad, and laughed with me when i was happy. He has shown me things in life i'd never have opened my eyes to otherwise. he has made me feel things i've never felt before and made me believe in things i never would have before. He has shown me what it feels like to be loved for who you are and not who you COULD be. He has shown me that no matter what other people say that the only true opinions are of those involved. He has taught me how to be more humble and accepting and loving of everyone. He has kept me grounded through life. I know that things have definitely been rough at times and we fight a ton but at the end of the day, we both love each other more than before. We have learned so much together, but i know that there is so much more destined for us together in this life. "This bond between us Can't be broken. i will be here dont you cry" aahhhhh this song takes me WAY back to tenth grade english. Back when shit was SO crazy and dramatic in my life. even though i had tons of drama, i loved those years the most cuz i can remember sitting with Cassy through english and just talking about all this wierd shit going on. Or skipping french and going to Mrs Moyers to sit and talk about things. There have been so many things that Cassy has been through with me that i can't even remember it all. She went through the crapper with me for sure. I know i have been a SUPER shitty friend to her lately and i wanna change this. I miss her lots. I miss sitting in class and writing stupid letters back and forth. Or laughing at something totally stupid. I miss her being so fun and sweet to everyone, even when i wanted to punch her for it, haha. I still have our notes about all the Garry drama I had in ninth grade. And believe it or not, i still have notes from when i first started to tlk to mike. OHH my gosh they are hilarious to read now. I still have emails about Cookie Dough and Lucky CHarms and Duckface. Ahh those were the BEST times ever. I've been blessed with great friends, but i've also been blessed with some truly unique and amazing people, some mentioned here and others not. I want to thank everyone who has been here for me when i need someone and ALWAYS remember i am here for you when you need me.